Hihi guys!
I've been really throwing myself into working on this website the last few days. It's become a bit of an obsession for me. I think I've finally settled on the colour schemes and themes. The deep blue greys and gloomy rainclouds. As well as my stone hare motif.

I'm pleased with the little animated banner designs I've been making, as well as the anime chibi version of myself for the Home page. (Granted I don't quite look that cute in real life lol) It's far from perfect, but I don't have the energy levels to make sure each pixel is exactly right. I still think its very cute though.

I've created this little banner to share so people can link to my website.

I just need to figure out how to get it out there, and how to do that lil html scroll box so people can copy and paste the details.

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I've been having a great time in my quiet moments thinking about what kind of things I'd like to share here. My favourite anime, video games, stuff from my childhood.. even old photos. There is so much to do and add, I'm not exactly sure where to start.

So since I've been working on my website so much for the last few days, I thought I'd dig out my old Seagate Harddrive (It's probably old enough to have had kids now)
I used to do I lot of pixel art in my teens and early 20s and though Great! It'll be perfect for this.

So I spent some time digging through my big ass box of cables, because that's what Millennials do: shove all our ancient cables into drawers.

After finally finding the right plug and connecting usb cable, I booted it up and found that I had not in fact put all my art on my Terrabyte harddrive, but the entirety of Sims 3.

Frustrating, but I did laugh. Anyway, I thought it would be a shame to lose it all so I grabbed one of my USB sticks to put it on... and found that the USB stick ONLY contained Sims 4.

I have a problem.

It occurred to me today that my layout kind of represents my old Livejournal from back in the day. Curiosity got the better of me, so I went to look for it. It was.. quite a depressing read. Aside from being incredibly cringey, it was heavy too. My first ever post was in 2002, I would have been 16 years old. I really had forgotten how much I was bullied for being weird back in those days. I ended up quitting college because it was so bad.

11th December 2002

I have had better days than today..... my friend Tanya was not on the bus, so I had to endure the most boring 1 hour bust journey to college alone. Animal Behaviour dragged, as did animal science. That was the basis of my morning.

In the afternoon our IT teacher was absent (aparently she had a nervous break down or something) so I sat in the room using chat to talk to the people around me for some strange reason ^-^''
oh the fun of being in a class of 15 where you dislike most of them....

I stayed in the computer room for the rest of my day. Looking up Di Gi Charat and catching some pocket Bishoujo (the bishounen one is down T-T) I was gonna go eat at macdonalds but it was to cold to wait for the bus, so i stay in that little room with my worst nightmare for 3 hours.

On the way home wasnt much better, although my other friend Anya was there. I enjoyed a good conversation about Outlaw star and nadisico with her and our diffenent anime drawing styles.
It happened again... for the third day in a row I was pelted with food. On monday it was a banana skin a sandwich and orange peel. On tuesday it was orange peel again, and today twiglets and orange peel yet again.
Anya doesnt understand that I dislike drawing attention to myself and began arguing with the people who were throwing it, but then again a bit did hit her boyfriend. I do hope they leave me alone tommorow....

On the brightside however, going back to Livejournal was quite fruitful in otherways. I found a bunch of animated emoticons from back then, so I now have something fun to add to the Neocities Animated Gif pipeline.

I'll make a page for graphics at some point.

So yesterday I got it in my head that perhaps I should get a laptop for downstairs and bed. Something light and easy to use.
I ended up getting a small Chromebook Go. I’ve had a chromebook before, but I feel like I like this one more.
I think its perhaps because I need it more now. With my health getting worse and my world shrinking.. Typing is one of the few things I can actually do and enjoy.
I have plenty of other tech I can use downstairs, like my phone and my tablet, but you can’t beat a proper keyboard. I am a lot faster on my keyboard than my telephone too. Thanks Final Fantasy 11!

One of the reasons I thought I’d enjoy having a downstairs laptop was so I could blog, or offline blog.
I also thought it would be good to update my website. I’ve not actually been on my website in a day or so because my mouse is fucked. I’m waiting for it’s replacement to arrive. Turns out I find it very hard to copy and select with a touch pad.

One of the other reasons is because I thought it may be nice to get back into Gaia Online.
Sadly I’m not sure if I can. I was definitely able to log in, but it’s weird. As much as I adore my character, I feel an odd sense of emptiness.

Gaia is still going and somehow it is both the same and different. The forums look identical and the avatars haven't changed at all.. But you’d think they’ve at least tried to develop it for a modern audience in the time I was gone. There is no phone app, and the games are all the same old outdated ones. The only thing they’ve really focused on is making more loot boxes. It has so many more ways to sink money into it now, which would be fine if it was worth it.

I can’t tell whats been added in my absence. I can’t tell if the items being released everyday are even new or are just recolours. There are so many announcements. I’ve only been back a day and a half and I’ve seen at least 7. In the past we’d wait days for them. I also think a lot of my inventory has glitched. I can't find half of my Monthly collectables, or things I've definitly held on to over the years.

It genuinely hurts seeing it how it is now. I was hoping for Nostalgia, and yet Gaia now just makes me feel sad.

I need to think of another way for me to enjoy my character Meridot. Maybe I’ll build her a world and other characters to interact with. OCs the old fashion way.

I've been thinking about Blogging a lot recently. I think it may be something to do with getting older and the need to wrap myself in nostalgia. Probably not helped by the fact I recently dug up my old Livejournal.

I've tried Journaling in the past, but I genuinely find it painful to hold pens for long periods of time these days. Which is annoying as I really like the tactile feel and process of journaling. So blogging it is.

Sometimes I just feel like I need to put my thoughts to paper? Well, computer? Not that I have particularly interesting thoughts in the grand scheme of things. I am just a normal person really. But I think having somewhere to speak to the void is important. I'm not looking for validation, or likes. I don't even really care if anyone reads my words. I feel like it stems from the desire to leave a little digital mark somewhere, just to show I existed. Maybe even something I can look back on, so I can see that I existed myself.

I've tried many different blogging platforms over the years, but none have really clicked with me. Blogger was my favourite until it wasn't. Like with most things, the flow of time has swallowed it up in Enshitification. During Covid I used Facebook, but had my posts set to private. It worked well enough for small thoughts I guess, but it's not something I want to keep using really.

I do like using here, but sometimes I'd like to document more private parts of my life. Maybe unpack some of my darker thoughts. Even just sharing photographs for myself. Stuff I can look back on and go - ‘Oh, at this day in ___ year I was doing/feeling this.’

I’ve yet to find a reliable place. I don’t want social media, and I’m tired of being surrounded by adverts all the time. I’m tired of being the product.

I did try to make an offline Blog using Typora, but it hasn’t worked out as well as I would like. I’m going to keep brainstorming and trying different things.

I’m definitely going to keep using this blog for most stuff. I think it helps me feel less lonely, and I’d like to think it makes others feel the same.